Why we can’t be friends

heartThere are people who instantly become friends and those that never will. They may be friendly towards each other or even hang out but, when in a pinch they may not rely on each other. They may not be the first to call when there is something to celebrate.

There is a subtle difference between people you see often and those you like to see often. Most of it can be traced back to one premise: is this a two-way street friendship?

As painful as it is, there are moments when you realize that when needed you are the first to offer help and support. However, it isn’t so the other way around. You are the first to apologize when you forget something or when you damage/break something. But it isn’t so the other way around.

The biggest reason why I cannot be friends with some people is because they zap me of all my energy. They drain it from me within the first few minutes that we meet. Why? Because they bounce off too many problems on me, use me as a sounding board for too many issues of which most cross the thin line of privacy.

Don’t get me wrong, I will gladly help you through difficult times and I will brainstorm with you how to make things better. But that cannot be the essence of the relationship. There has to be more.

A friendship is about sharing and about being part of my life. If you only share the problem part of your life with me, it makes me wonder.

Building up friendships is one of the most important things we do as human beings. I cherish mine. I am very happy to still be friends with my high school girlfriends. Every time that I go back home, we meet. We catch up on life, our families, children, and we do something fun. You know who you are. I look forward to catching up again this year.

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