Be kind this Holiday Season

grieving-angel-statueThis season isn’t Ho Ho Ho for everyone. I was reminded of that when I was reading through the #MondayBlogs on Twitter. If you do not know what #MondayBlogs are, click here.

Not everyone has someone to celebrate with. I searched for “December” in my other blog, the one about unsolved homicides. A slate of cases popped up that happened in December and that have been unsolved for decades. Can you imagine how these families feel?

Some victims disappeared into thin air never to be heard from again. Their families have nothing to hold on to except for some personal items and their memories. Murder victim family members gather at the graves but that may at some point become the only thing that they have left.

Not knowing what happened to someone you knew is cruel. Wondering what happened, why it happened, and who did that can drive you nuts. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. It is a cruel combination of missing your loved one who at the same time is slowly disappearing from public view.

Some time after a crime took place people stop talking about it. The press isn’t interested anymore. There are other cases to write about. The case isn’t reported anymore in the national papers and only the local papers may post updates.

When people stop talking about a victim or when the press stops publishing their stories, it creates a void. That void is enhanced when the victim’s personal property needs to be cleaned up. Real estate is sold, apartments need to be cleared out and are advertised again as for rent. Furniture is stored or sold, mortgages or leases are cancelled, and utilities are discontinued. The victim’s name gets removed from register after register.

With each disposal and deletion, the loved one disappears bit by bit from public memory. Soon it feels as if only the family knows for sure that the victim really existed. They have the grave to prove it.

So aside from all other reasons why someone may not be in a jolly mood during the Holidays, we have this. Telling them to cheer up will not help. What will? Just sit with them. Just let them know by your physical presence and the time you take to sit down with them, that they are not alone.

How do I know this? Because more than one murder victim family member told me.

Be kind to each other this Holiday Season and be grateful that you are together with the ones you love. I know I am.

7 thoughts on “Be kind this Holiday Season

  1. It is always the close family that remains with that void in their lives, everyone else forgets and life goes on. Such is life, no matter who you are the limelight will always move on to the next best thing.

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  2. Alice, I so admire the work you do. It can’t always be easy. When I hear about people disappearing I think that must be the worst thing that can happen to their loved ones. When a person is murdered and found, as horrific as that is, the family can have some kind of closure. But when a person disappears, you must always wonder where and what circumstances they’re surviving under, if they are. I can’t think of anything more cruel.

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  3. This is such a great post. It is really hard to think about losing some loved one. Only one who have lost can tell what they are going through.
    I am grateful that I am with my family and friends and who are close to me. I wish and pray from Almighty God that He may save all and grant a long and healthy life. I feel sad after reading this post and pray that God may give strength to such families to bear their loss.

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  4. You really stuck a chord with me in this post. I don’t really have any family left, so I happen to be one of those folks who doesn’t ho-ho-ho so much:) I’m lucky though and I have a lot to be grateful for. But it seems this time of year seems to highlight that “I don’t belong” feeling for lots of folks. I cannot even imagine what murder victim families or those with missing loved ones have to endure. Not the least of which is people trying to “cheer you up”. GREAT post!

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